Doctor 's Advice

Now this is some SOLID advice

 

 

 

 

I love this Doctor  Q: Doctor, I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out  eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a  nap.  Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.  And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat  chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass  (green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?  A:  No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that  way. Beer is also made out  of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one  to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise  program? A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No  Pain....Good! Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  A:  YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact,  they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?  Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely  not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.  Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  A:  Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good   food around! Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  A:  If swimming is good foryour figure, explain whales to me. Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?  A:  Hey! 'Round' is a shape!  Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a Ride'  AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.  1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of  fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills  you.